Things I’ll Miss

The first year of a child’s life goes by too quickly. Quicker still is the time that your baby is a newborn. It is said to be the most difficult stage, with sleepless nights and learning, especially if it is your first child, exactly how to keep this tiny new life alive. Yet in all the chaos, there is gentleness, and moments that are as difficult to hold onto as keeping water from flowing out of your hands. In those moments, I wrote down each detail that I wish I could remember as the first days and weeks slip by.

Trying to capture those newborn moments, including all the little details, frustrations, so that I never lose these memories of how it feels.

Milky breath
Little kisses on silky smooth cheeks
Soft, feathery hair, growing from the top, not quite meeting the back and sides
Tiny hands brush my arm
Tiny fists hold my finger
Gassy smiles, silly grunts
Sad frowns and pouty lip
Biiiiig stretch over head when arms are freed
Newborn scrunch, knees to chest
Head resting on my shoulder, falling asleep on my chest
Holding you tight when your crying, knowing I am your safe place
Wanting alone time, a break, but always feeling that tug on my heart, needing to be near you
Focused gaze, serious eyes
Ferociously eating, intensely staring
Eyelids drooping, mouth slightly open, one little sigh and you're asleep
Those first true smiles - at the ceiling fan, your closet, in response to my smile
Little giggles, coos, you start to babble
Talking to your toys, your reflection
Asleep in my arms, you look so peaceful and safe
I always want to remember this

Having a newborn is HARD. It does NOT make you a bad parent if you do not enjoy it. It doesn't mean you love your child any less. As a new mom, you have just gone and continue to go through one of the biggest life changes you could experience. You are healing, learning, and developing your new identity as a mom, and also possibly breastfeeding if that is something you chose, while also now being responsible for a new, vulnerable life.